


Don't Go Anywhere

by Tch0upi



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Drunk Sex, King and his Servant, M/M, Set during Series 4, Two Nerds in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-04-30 09:50:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5159300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tch0upi/pseuds/Tch0upi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five months after Gwen's banishment, Arthur feels irrevocably alone. One night, Merlin appears in his chambers, drunk and horny out of his mind. Arthur knows it's wrong to take advantage of a vulnerable person, a person who can't think straight anymore, a person who had far too much to drink, a person who's been as upset as he has been the past few months. But this person being Merlin, will Arthur make the good and reasonnable choice to just take his friend back to his chamber or will he, too, succumb to his drunken and intoxicated desires? After all, Merlin was more than asking for it...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Go Anywhere

It was one of those boring evenings. Arthur sat at his desk, in his very quiet chambers, doing some paperwork for the council meetings. He wished he could go out and enjoy himself, see his knights, have a good laugh with them, keep his mind away from all the pain and the heartache that was tormenting him, but he could not bring himself to have fun tonight. Tonight was...

Arthur stiffened on his chair and ran a hand through his blond hair.

Tonight, it was the anniversary of Guinevere's banishment. It had already been a rough five months ever since she was gone. He tried not to think too much about it, but during nights like this one, there was nothing else he could do but remember. Remember the pain she had inflicted to him. Remember the moments they had shared together.

He had always knew, deep inside of him, that she'd loved Lancelot more than she'd ever loved him. He was her first love, after all. He had been important to her long before she even felt something for Arthur. Why couldn't he have realized sooner? He then wouldn't have looked like such an idiot. She had hurt more than his heart. She had hurt his pride, his dignity, everything... But Arthur couldn't help but still love her despite everything. And he hated himself for it.

Suddenly there was a knock at his door. He jumped a little on his seat, not expecting anyone at this hour of the night, but he quickly straightened up and looked at his visitor. It was Sir Gwaine, and he was drunk. As the knight made his way into the room, Arthur noticed that he wasn't alone. Merlin was with him, and as Arthur expected to see his manservant supporting the drunk man as he always did, he saw that, in fact, _Merlin_ was the one who seemed to need support. Gwaine had an arm around his thin waist and was helping him into the room.

"Sorry to bother you, princess," said Gwaine.  
"Hey Arthuuur!" Merlin added with one of his stupidest smiles.

Arthur looked at him and shook his head. He was red on the cheeks, his hair was messy, his eyes not completely focused and his lips still wet from all the beer. Arthur didn't need Gwaine to understand that Merlin had had far too much to drink. But one thing he didn't understand, so he stood up and walked to them, as Gwaine was making his way to the king's bed, helping Merlin onto it. The servant needed to sit down.

"Not that I don't want to see you, but what exactly are you doing here?"

Obviously the knights — and _Merlin_ — had spent the evening at the tavern. Arthur was clearly annoyed with his manservant. He knew he would go all day tomorrow whining about headache and exhausting chores. Arthur thought for a moment that it would be a good punishment to bring him to a hunting trip. Yes, he thought with an evil grin, he would enjoy it. Merlin hated hunting, so going hunting with a hangover would teach him not to get drunk on the eve of a big day of work. Plus, it would get his mind off things. Merlin always was the best to take his mind off things in general, being his funny and silly self.

But Arthur had never seen him like this. He had never seen Merlin _that_ drunk. He was a little worried.

"Merlin insisted he would attend to you tonight."  
"This is ridiculous. I can take care of myself for one night. You should have bring him to his own chamber. He's the one that needs assistance to get in bed right now, not me."  
"I know, but he, as you know it, is stubborn."  
"That's my job, I'll do it," Merlin said as he stood up. "I'm perfectly capable of..."

Arthur and Gwaine had to step further to grab him as he swayed unsteadily. Arthur grabbed his arm, causing Merlin to lean on him for balance. The blond could smell all the alcohol from him. And somehow, this felt... wrong. This wasn't like Merlin. Merlin was a complete idiot, yes. He was tiny and weak, and the worst servant the world had ever known. He was a total clumsy oaf to add to. And even though he seemed to waste all of his free time in the tavern, Merlin never appeared drunk or in this miserable state before. Merlin stood tall on his own, he never needed any help of any kind. And here he was, stumbling around in his chamber, looking tired and about to faint. This wasn't normal.

If Arthur had gone through a hard time these past five months, he also knew that Merlin didn't seem to be quite alright himself. During the weeks that followed Gwen's departure, he had been quiet. More quiet than Arthur judged healthy for someone as chatty as Merlin. Merlin was never silent. And if he was silent, that meant he was upset. Arthur, in his own pain, hadn't had so much time or energy to mind his friend's state. He vaguely noticed that Merlin seemed to suffer as much as him and Arthur remembered telling himself he was Gwen's best friend after all, of course he would be upset. And he thought that he would eventually be alright so he didn't worry too much about him, knowing that he was going through worst himself, being Gwen's _husband-to-be_.

But here he was. Completely drunk in his arms. Why? Even Arthur was beginning to get a little better. So what was troubling Merlin so much? The king shot a look at Gwaine, who was staring at Merlin with worry in his brown eyes.

"I tried to take him to Gaius's chambers."  
"I know you did," Arthur said. "He _is_ indeed a stubborn idiot."  
"'m not a' idiot."  
"Yes you are, Merlin."

Gwaine had a little smile on his face as he stared at them.

"Want me to take you to your chamber?" Arthur asked as he helped Merlin to sit down on his bed again.  
"Told you I can manage my work."  
"I doubt it." Arthur sighed.

He looked at Gwaine and smiled. The knight was always drunk as hell, it was a mystery to him that tonight he was standing on his own and actually quite attentive of Merlin's state. But then again, it wasn't so surprising, as the knights were so fond of Merlin. And Arthur was glad and grateful that they were all so protective of the idiot. He was thankful that when he couldn't watch over him, his friends could.

"It'll be alright, Gwaine," Arthur said. "You can go to bed. I'll take care of him. Thank you."  
"Sure everything's fine, then?" Gwaine asked again. Arthur nodded. "Right. Goodnight, boys."  
"'night Gwaine," the servant said.  
"Goodnight, Gwaine."

Arthur walked his friend to the door and closed it after he was gone. Then he turned around and went to Merlin's side. "What on earth am I gonna do with you, hm?" He smiled.

"I don't know you, but _I_ will make you a bath. Then I can prepare the bed, it's late."

Merlin stood but Arthur stopped him by placing himself ahead of him, obstructing the way. Merlin looked up at him, frowning. His blue eyes seemed tired, confused, feverish from the alcohol. But they were still astonishing, Arthur thought before he frowned himself. What the hell was he thinking just now? _Merlin_ , having astonishing eyes? Maybe he wasn't feeling alright himself. He had a little wine earlier... Yeah, that was surely the reason for his displaced thoughts.

"Prat. You're in the way."

Arthur smirked. "That's the general idea here, Merlin."

Unbalanced and irritated, Merlin sat back down on the bed, looking up with his longing eyes. Arthur could see his face was no longer red. He was getting pale. He needed to rest. Gaius would have his skin if he didn't take good care of his precious boy.

"What are you..."  
"I don't need a bath, Merlin, thank you very much."  
"But you must be hungry or som'thin'. I'll go and fetch you your dinner..."  
"I already had something to eat."  
"You're a liar."  
"Saying to the King that he's a liar are words of treason, Merlin."

Merlin stood, trying to make his face look dead serious, as if to defy his 'King', but he only looked ridiculous to Arthur who had to restrain himself from laughing out loud. And again he stopped him. This time, he took his wrists and forced him.

"When I knew you wouldn't come," he explained, his voice trembling a little from the desire to let out this tender laugh. "I had another servant to bring me my food. Did you think I would starve myself because my lazy ass of a servant was not there?"  
"Amazing. You actually survived without me!"  
"Very funny."  
"You're right. I'm only jesting."

Merlin paused for a moment, his voice suddenly serious. Arthur, beginning to be dizzy from all this mood changing, studied his facial expression and wondered what the servant was thinking at this exact moment. His eyes were deep and mysterious, as Merlin always were. He was looking, whole-heartedly diving into Arthur's sapphires, as if the king's gaze was his home, his sky. Arthur didn't know what to say. He could never fathom him out after all, even after all these years of knowing him. He could never understand Merlin. The man was a mystery. A complete riddle, as he would always say to him as a joke but it wasn't, really. Even now as he was drunk. Arthur had thought that being drunk would leave someone open, like a book, but Merlin was even more shut and closed than he usually were. And Arthur found this inexorably frustrating.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there tonight," Merlin finally said, his voice into a tiny whisper.

Arthur frowned lightly, not looking away from the dark haired man's eyes.

"I'll never stray again, Arthur."  
"What are you talking about?"

Arthur noticed he had let go of Merlin's wrists, as the man was now clinging to his arms. His fingers were shaking. Merlin's whole body was shaking.

"I won't leave you again," Merlin repeated.  
"It's okay, Merlin. It was one night. You might be the King's personal manservant, you're still a free man, you know."  
"You don't understand. I'm bound to always be with you. To protect you."  
"You make no sense. You should get some rest. You can sleep here, for tonight."

Arthur turned, ready to prepare the bed for his friend. He wouldn't do this to any servant, but Merlin was not any servant.

But Merlin grabbed his arm and pulled him.

"Please, I..."

Arthur looked at him. He was blushing again, but so lightly he almost didn't notice. He seemed so lost, so confused. His hand, his shaking fingers on his arm, holding onto him for dear life, were the only thing keeping him from taking Merlin up into his arms and swing him on the bed like a child who wouldn't listen. Merlin looked like he wanted to tell him something important.

He looked like he needed him. He looked desperate.

And sad. Somehow.

"Arthur, I..." Merlin started again. He bit his lip.

And slowly, imperceptibly, he stepped closer to Arthur. His eyes were looking down, his hands making their way up Arthur's shoulders. Soon they were around his neck, hesitating, frightened, not sure if he should carry on.

Arthur wasn't sure either just what was going on. Having Merlin so close to his body was something strange. Strange but nice... in a way. He may smelled like beer and alcohol, he also smelled his usual rainy odor, his firewood and forest smell that Arthur always liked — _loved_ — about Merlin, the typical country boy, even though he didn't live in the country anymore. And it was slowly making him lose his mind. They were standing so close to each other, he could hear Merlin breathe. They were as close as Arthur and Guinevere stood when they used to kiss.

Merlin clung to his shirt behind his back, onto his neck. And having his thin arms around him made Arthur feel so good, he couldn't explain it.

"I want you Arthur..." were Merlin's next words, murmured in a low and needy voice. "I _need_ you."

He almost found his own hands on Merlin's waist. He almost brought them down even lower on his small frame. Almost. His face was leaning towards Merlin's neck and trembling throat when he heard the words. _These_ words. _I want you, Arthur._

Merlin was a shaking mess in his arms. When he understood just what he meant by that, Arthur stepped back. He took Merlin's hands from his shoulders and held them down.

"Merlin, you... you _really_ need to rest. Come, have my bed. Tomorrow you'll feel better."  
"I know what I'm saying. Arthur, I've been _craving_ for so long for you..."

And as he was saying this, he came closer and closer. Next thing he knew, Merlin was kissing him. His lips wet and warm on his own, moving clumsily. Clumsily but with authority and sensuality. He felt his heart skipped a beat as all the memories of Gwen's mouth filled his head and mind. Merlin's kiss was rougher, but sweet all the same. And good. And nice. And smooth and... and he could lose his mind if the boy didn't stop.

Merlin had put his arms around his neck, and was clinging to him yet again. They were around the same height, but Merlin, even if he was a little bit taller, was definitely thinner and at the moment, soft and loose in his arms. Arthur kissed back. He never knew kissing the idiot and clumsy manservant would be so good and, honestly, he could go on all night like this. He could forget himself and forget the pain of losing the one woman he ever loved. He never knew of the feelings that were growing inside him like a beast in repose, waking up after a long time of hibernation. He should be disgusted for kissing another man, and a simple peasant with that. But he was not. He wasn't even thinking about Guinevere, or almost not. Kissing Merlin felt... normal. Natural. And Arthur found himself craving. Craving maybe even more than Merlin said he was.

What was going on? he thought as he firmly held Merlin's waist in his big hands. Since when did he have feelings whatsoever for him? What was that? All of that, inside of him? It was scaring him... but exciting him at the same time.

But Arthur then remembered that Merlin was drunk as fuck. He was only one step from fainting or vomiting or falling asleep like a baby. He wasn't thinking straight, he was vulnerable and Arthur couldn't take advantage of him. He was hard already, hard as stone, but he respected Merlin too much to do this. To push him on the mattress and fuck him. Even though he wanted so _bad_ to just do it.

He felt broken and hurt when he stopped the kiss and took Merlin's hands again.

"Why'd you stop?" Merlin whined.  
"You're barely standing, Merlin. I will not take advantage of you. I'm not a rapist."  
"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not drunk enough, Arthur. I want this. I want you. I promise I know what I'm saying. This would not be a rape. I won't regret it in the morning."  
"You say that now, you oaf..."  
"Come on... _Please_."

Arthur could feel just how much Merlin was indeed craving for him. He was as hard as him and it was strange. Arthur had never been with a man before, but as strange as it was, it was also exciting. Exciting and new. Probably because it was Merlin... Arthur doubted he would be excited to do this with Gwaine or Elyan or Leon... The only thought almost turned him completely off, thanks for Merlin clinging to him.

But even if he claimed not to be drunk enough, he was. For him to be here in front of Arthur and speaking with so little boundaries was a pretty good sign to exactly how drunk he was. Merlin may be a talkative one, he was quiet to his own feelings. And shy when he wanted to be. So he _was_ drunk. Otherwise he wouldn't be so opened and honest.

"Merlin, I can't. You're wasted. And exhausted. And you look like you're about to throw up. I don't want you making a mess on the bed."  
"Eww, thanks for ruining the mood," Merlin said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Then, he brought his hands down on Arthur's pants. The blond's eyes went wide, as the trembling fingers undid his belt. Merlin gently pushed his king towards the bed, and made them both climb onto it. Arthur couldn't fight him. He couldn't stop him. Merlin was too hot. And the room was burning up. He was suddenly so horny, so needy, too. Ever since Guinevere had been gone, he had felt so alone and so abandoned. He needed human warmth, and Merlin was so willing to give it to him. And even if he looked like it, Arthur knew Merlin was not breakable. He was solid as rock. He wouldn't really hurt him. And as drunk as he was, he wouldn't remember anything. Probably would think that Arthur was drunk as well.

Merlin climbed on top of him and undid his belt and pants. But as he was looking at him, Arthur couldn't resist anymore. His controlling nature took over him and he turned Merlin over on the bed so he would be on top. His blood boiled inside him, his heart accelerated, taking on new levels of speed, as he imprisoned Merlin's wrists on the mattress with his hands in an iron grip.  
Merlin looked up at him, his blue eyes never so dark before, dark with lust and desire, dark with love. It was raw, pure, screaming at him. Arthur stripped himself and stripped Merlin. He couldn't wait.

He needed this too. He wasn't thinking straight anymore — he probably, _surely_ would regret this in the morning, regret and hate himself for taking such an easy and vulnerable prey, but he wanted this. So much it scared the hell out of him.

Merlin was beautiful. How did he never see this before? This sparkling beauty that was his manservant? Spread out on the bed like this, breathing heavily and shaking softly, eyes glittering, lips slightly opened, waiting for him. All this was for him. Arthur leaned down and kissed those needy lips, feeling the heat rise inside him, feeling the warmth overwhelm him. He only now realized just how alone he had felt all those months...

Without thinking, he leaned down and put his mouth on Merlin's skin, on the crook of his neck. He gave a couple kisses there, roaming over the smoothness of the young man's flesh. He was so warm, as if he was burning up. Arthur shivered from excitement just thinking about it, and even more when he felt Merlin trembling too. His breathing was harder and louder, and sometimes he would let out a little laugh when Arthur kissed sensitive areas of his neck. It was thrilling for the king to discover another facet of Merlin. He never would have thought he would be so excited to lay with him, to do these things... He always looked at his servant the way he would look at something untouchable. Something precious and breakable, something pure and innocent.

But Merlin wasn't exactly all of these things he thought he were. The moaning mess under him wasn't exactly something Arthur would call _innocent_. Merlin was clearly not inexperienced, the way he was throwing himself in his arms and offering himself without a shame and without apparent discomfort. After all, he wasn't a boy anymore and that much Arthur could tell. Merlin was still skinny and small but he was much more muscular than he ever was before. And he was more handsome, even if Arthur still believed he was _pretty_ , in a way.

What Arthur meant was that Merlin... Merlin never exactly entered his description of _dirty_ things. He could never associate him with sexual ideas or anything related. Merlin was so kind and so sweet, it was impossible to imagine him... to soil him that way. To have physical desires for him. It was like spoiling something so pure. Arthur could still remember when he had _cried_ for that damn unicorn... he knew at this moment that the boy was special.

So he felt a little bad for being about to defile him — or at least the perfect, virgin _image_ he had of him, because even though he had an habit of seeing Merlin as pure white innocent angel, he knew that Merlin wasn't the girl and damsel in distress that he always mocked him to be — but he couldn't help himself at the moment. Merlin had made the first move, he would make the next ones.  
He abandoned the shivering neck and lifted his head to join his servant's mouth. He kissed him, opening the lips with his own to be able to caress his tongue. It was hot, and pleasuring, and Arthur could not remember a kiss with Gwen that had been so full of passion and love at the same time and...

"Alright you win," Arthur whispered, his voice eager and rushed, as he covered the servant's mouth before he spoke again, in a hurry, not letting him anytime to talk, "But remember, this is what _you_ wanted, and you're gonna have to assume your acts and do it all the way, 'cause I'm not stopping anytime soon, I warn ya."  
"Don't worry. I meant everything I said and... aah..." Merlin moaned when Arthur ran his hand down his stomach and lower. The king smiled mischievously. "I'm not a coward. I won't back down."  
"Good," Arthur said with satisfaction, and he leaned and kissed him, thirsty for contact, for touching him again and again.

They didn't need any more words for what was to come. They kissed lovingly for a couple minutes before Arthur decided to let go of Merlin's now bruised wrists, still trapped on the mattress. When he was free, Merlin lifted himself up so he could wrap his arms around Arthur's neck and, still kissing, he clung to him, their bodies stick together, their skins burning up. He needed to feel close to his king, to feel safe and loved. Arthur enveloped him, his hands holding his hips and he raised him on his lap, forcing the young servant to spread his legs and wrap them around the king's waist. In this position, their crotches were touching and Arthur was slowly beginning to go crazy. His member was throbbing and hurting, with the need to release. God, he had never been so _horny_ before.

He still wasn't sure how on earth he could be so attracted to Merlin of all people, but as the man was laying in his arms, he found him undoubtedly attractive and beautiful and he was going to fuck him, to fuck him good. So he ran his hands down his body, holding to his hips, his thighs. He was so hard and ruthless he was sure he would leave marks on the perfect white skin, but he didn't care, and Merlin sure didn't either. Nothing would break the moment, bring them back to reality, because this had become their reality.

"Open your legs a little more," he murmured into the servant's ear. Merlin shivered, breathing fast, and nodded.

He spread his legs more and Arthur pulled him even closer, so his member was now brushing lightly against his unprepared hole. Merlin jumped a little, surprised to feel how much the king was hard for him. He had thought Arthur was just doing this to shut him up or releasing himself of the loneliness caused by Guinevere, that he wasn't really attracted to him, that he just needed a hole to fuck to release the tension, but now he could see that he had been wrong. Arthur was almost harder than _him_. He smiled a little, his mind blurry and fuzzy from all the alcohol but he smiled nonetheless, happy to be held like this by the most important person of his life. He even thought for a moment that his eyes would water, because of the feelings building up inside him at the idea of Arthur being so eager and so needy for _him_ , him and no one else.

"I'm not dreaming, am I?" he couldn't help but ask.

Arthur stopped for a moment, seeing the confused and feverish eyes that were looking back at him. Merlin looked stray. He looked as if he just woke up, his hair even messier than before and his gaze deep and lost. Arthur looked at him with worry and concern. "What?" his voice seemed to come from another world, another dimension.

"You're really here... with me. I must be drunk after all..."

Arthur smiled and put his face close to Merlin's.

"No. You're not dreaming, Merlin. I'm here."

He kissed him full on the lips, making him close his eyes. Arthur smiled again, looking at his perfectly abandoned face.

"Now don't lose your balance, we're only getting started. I'm nowhere near done with you."

The fact that all of a sudden Merlin realized that it wasn't a dream made Arthur think again. _He_ is _drunk out of his mind_ , a voice said in his head. _It's wrong to be taking advantage of him like this._ But Arthur couldn't stop. Even if he wanted to. And when Merlin's arms wrapped around his neck again, he lost it.

"Lay back down," he said softly, in a low voice.

Merlin obeyed, and laid back down on the bed, between the royal sheets, and Arthur hovered over him, supporting himself on each side of the servant's head. They looked at each other for a moment, Merlin looking lost like a puppy but hot and red and erotic and God... he was a temptation Arthur never thought he could be. With his ridiculous everyday outfit, this goddamn neckerchief around his throat, his funny and silly jokes, his way of blabbering around all day and his warm heart, Arthur never thought he could be such a tease in bed. Such a... a different man. An attractive and not at all ridiculous one. He was wonderful.

"What are you waiting for, then, prat? Ugh, I mean, _my lord_?"  
"For God's sake Merlin," he said. "Don't call me 'my lord' while we're doing this, it's strange... and not in a good way. 'My lord' is for the servants-"  
"Oh is it? The servants, really?"

Arthur blushed hard when he realized what he had just said. He just meant that Merlin was not a servant. Oh God... he would never hear the end of it...  
Merlin pulled him down and put one hand on his cheek, his fingers touching the side of his head.

"Does that mean I'm more than a servant to you, or that by the morning I will not be your servant anymore 'cause you'll fire me after this?"  
"That means you shut up, alright?" Arthur said and kissed him.  
"No that doesn't," Merlin said, playful.  
"Merlin, shut up. I mean it."  
"Or what?"  
"You'll be screaming in a minute."  
"Is that a threat?"  
"More like a promise, love."  
"So now it's 'love'!"

Arthur rolled his eyes and shut him up at once, covering his mouth with his own. He muffled his moans too, as Arthur was taking his thighs in his hands and spreading them around him. He lifted him up a little bit so his hand could go and tickle from the tip of his fingers this very intimate area of Merlin's anatomy...

The dark haired man jumped abruptly when a finger passed the ring of muscles and penetrated him. He let out a surprised breath that transformed into a long and erotic moan. Arthur had to reunite all the strength he had and even strength he didn't know he had not to just insert his penis right there. Merlin was an evil tease and he was so tight around his finger... which had Arthur thinking... Had Merlin ever done this before? Maybe with a maid or a girlfriend back in Ealdor. But had he ever done this with a man? As in... taking it _in_...?

All of a sudden the king was nervous. He had deflowered maids before. He had slept with virgins servants. But it was Merlin now. He didn't want to hurt him and... God this was so intimate. He couldn't believe what he was about to do... And Merlin was so far gone, moaning on the bed with his head thrown backwards, he wasn't sure the man was even aware of what was going on. And there, with his fingers gently preparing him and stretching him open, Arthur realized yet again that it was so wrong. That Merlin was drunk and vulnerable and maybe if he was sober he wouldn't be willing. Was it really rape of some kind? He couldn't stop, he just couldn't bring himself to...

"I... Merlin, you're..."

_So tight..._

"Arthur..." was the only thing Merlin said.

His eyes were closed. His face abandoned, erotic, red and flushed. He was...

"You're beautiful, Merlin."

He inserted another finger and pushed inside, deeper. He had oil inside the drawer of his nightstand and as he moved over to reach it, Merlin grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards him.

"Please, Arthur... Please..."  
"I'm just getting something to ease the way... to make it less painful for you..."  
"I don't care, I want you... now..."

Merlin sounded like a stubborn child. He really wanted this more than words could say and Arthur was at a loss for words.

"It will hurt, maybe a lot."

Merlin lifted his hand up and put it on Arthur's cheek. His palm was warm and soft and moist, but it was a delicate touch. Merlin brushed his fingers gently against Arthur's jaw line and under his ear, making the blond man shiver slightly.

"Despite what you always say... I'm not a girl. I can handle it."

And it was true. Merlin definitely wasn't the girl he always said he was. He could feel the strong hand that had pulled him back. But still, Arthur knew that it would hurt, girl or not. And Merlin, even though he was stronger that he looked, was still... quite frail.

But he couldn't, like Merlin, wait anymore. He was eager and patience was _not_ one of Arthur's qualities. His heart was beating hard and fast as he positioned himself. Just before he penetrated him, Arthur leaned down and kissed him, tasting his lips and drinking his breath. Merlin groaned inside his mouth and then he pushed inside.

He moved his hips to push slowly and Merlin broke the kiss to moan loudly. It was blissful. Divine. Better than everything he expected. The heat and softness that was surrounding his member was overwhelming and pressing and inviting him to push even deeper. He didn't want to go too fast, to give the man time to adjust to his size. It was so unbelievably tight, there was no way Merlin didn't feel a little pain. He looked at the face beneath him and smiled. During all these years of knowing him, he never would have thought that one day they would come to this... Hell, he hadn't even do it with Guinevere! He wanted her to be his queen, his wife, and he respected her too much to lay with her without being married first. And as he pushed inside him and discovered the deepest parts, Arthur knew Merlin was different. He loved him. God, he loved him so much... But how exactly did he love him? As he loved Guinevere? As he loved his knights and friends? As he loved his long lost sister? No... He loved Merlin in a very different way than he ever loved anybody. The love he had for the servant was a love he had never felt before. It was raw, and uncovered, and strong and painful and how could he never understand this before? He leaned down and kissed him again. Merlin was panting. He wrapped his arms around his king's neck and moaned softly. "Arthur..." he breathed.

"I'm hurting you..." Arthur said when he heard the trembling voice.  
"No it's fine. Just... don't stop," he stuttered. "Please don't stop!"  
"I'm not," Arthur whispered, his breathing as fast as Merlin's. "I won't stop, Merlin."

He buried his face into Merlin's neck and smelled his particular and sweet scent, mixed with sweat. He was warm and shivering. Arthur wished he could just disappear into Merlin's skin and never had to face the world again. He never wanted to face the crown, the people, the kingdom, Gwen's absence... He wanted this moment to last, he wanted to slip into Merlin's arms forever and fall asleep there and never wake up. His hips were still moving, trusting into Merlin's intimacy, and Arthur decided this wasn't fucking. This was making love. Arthur didn't really have experience in 'making love' but what he was doing now — the fact that it was with Merlin, on top of everything — was different, on every level, than everything he had ever done with maids in his entire life.

The pleasure was slowly building inside him, taking over his whole body and speeding through his veins and all the members of his body. He trembled as he lifted Merlin's tights up against his shoulders. Merlin concentrated on kissing him while Arthur sped up the rhythm. Their skins were rubbing together, heating them up even more, and as the pleasure grew, hands became wild and touching everywhere. Arthur could feel one of Merlin's hand in his hair, the other somewhere around his waist, digging his nails into his stomach. His own hands were lost on Merlin's body — one behind his back, the other on his shoulder, maybe. He couldn't be sure, as they were traveling fast on each other's body.

They were both out of breath now. It wouldn't be long for the orgasm to overwhelm them both. Arthur felt like a giant wave of pleasure was coming and when it would he would be crushed like an insect, exploding with it. It was too good, and with the delightful sounds Merlin made, his deep voice in low moans and groans, the little cries of pleasure, Arthur could become addicted to it. He couldn't believe it, and listening to Merlin's incoherent words, it was good for him too. The passage had been rough for him for the first minutes but now it was slick with pre-cum and Arthur was easily sliding inside and outside. And even though he wanted this moment to never end, he felt he was about to come.

He fiercely kissed the man beneath him as he performed his last thrust into Merlin's submissive body.

Arthur closed his eyes as he felt his seed spilled into the tight tunnel. Merlin's walls were tightening onto him and he came too, between their stomachs. And after that, everything felt silent, except for their hard and loud breathings. Arthur had collapsed on top of Merlin's body, his dick still inside him. He had his arms around him, his face onto his neck again, his favorite place it would seem. He didn't know what to say. He felt good, exhausted, euphoric, and yet... ashamed. Merlin was drunk. Merlin was not in his right mind. Merlin was vulnerable and had maybe not been truly willing. Would he wake up tomorrow morning and hate him? He would have the right to do so.

Arthur breathed in before he lifted himself up. He pulled out, making Merlin chuckle.

"Can't believe we actually slept together..."  
"I know," the king only said.

Merlin looked sleepy. His eyes were getting small and his face was pale and sweaty. His cheeks were red. He looked like he was about to faint. Come to think of it, Arthur felt sleepy too, now. He just wanted to fall down beside Merlin's warm body and fall asleep there.

"Do you regret it?" the servant asked.

Arthur thought for a moment.

"No," he said sincerely. "I do not."  
"When you said..."  
"You should sleep, Merlin."  
"When you said 'My lord' was for the servants... Why did you say this? What did you mean? Honestly, Arthur..."

How could so much things still go on into his thick drunken head after what they've done? Arthur felt empty. He felt so tired...

"You speak too much, Merlin. Go to sleep."  
"Please answer me."

God, his way of saying 'Please', Arthur internally swore. Merlin was looking up at him with inquiring, pleading eyes. And impossibly blue. There was water into them, he noticed. His gaze was glassy. He needed to sleep... he needed so bad to rest. But Arthur couldn't resist him.

And maybe he wanted to say the words out loud too.

"I meant that we would... sleep together as equals. You are more than some faceless servant whom I'd had requested... special services, Merlin. That's what I meant by that."  
"Really?"

Merlin seemed genuinely touched.

"Yes. Now will you go to sleep? Before you faint."

Merlin only smiled. One of his warm-hearted and beautiful smiles. Arthur felt his heart melt. He laid down beside him. He didn't think about what the morning would bring. He didn't even think about Guinevere. He just laid there, arms wrapped around Merlin's naked body as he put the blankets over them, breathing into the man's dark hair and smiling in the process. Before they knew it, they were both gone to a dreamless and well deserved slumber.

***

 

It was a horrible nausea that woke him up. He opened his eyes feeling so bad he thought his heart would jump out of his mouth. He felt hot, too hot, and sweating, and looking deathly pale even though he didn't know that. He was breathing fast and after a moment he realized he wasn't in his own bed. And that room definitely was _not_ his room. It was dark, while in his room it was sunny in the morning. And these blood red blankets... _Arthur's_?

He couldn't think anymore. He felt like throwing up. He panicked at the idea of being sick on Arthur's bed, and he let out a complaining moan as he sat up. He heard the sound of footsteps, and he only had time to look up to see the blurry figure of someone — Arthur? — running up to him with a containing. Merlin didn't need to be told what to do, he leaned over and started vomiting.

"Here," he heard Arthur's low and soft voice and felt him sit beside him on the bed. "It's alright. You're gonna be fine." His large hand rubbed at his back in a soothing way. Merlin almost felt better, but he threw up again, and again, until he felt completely drained and empty and dizzy.  
"I'm never drinking again," he breathed, his face into the containing.

Arthur chuckled. "See, that's what you get for being a _complete_ idiot, _Merlin_."

Merlin tried to straighten up. "You feeling better?" Arthur asked. He nodded, and Arthur put down the containing with a disgusted expression on his face.

"I'm gonna need to have a servant take this mess out before I get sick myself."  
"Sorry..." was Merlin's miserable reply.  
"Hey, it's not your fault. Well... it actually is, in fact, but..."  
"But what... ?"

Merlin took a look at Arthur but couldn't see anything. It was dark. And that's when Merlin understood it wasn't morning at all. He had thought it was dark because Arthur had not open the curtains. But it was because it was the middle of the night. A single candle was lit, keeping a very low ray of light in the chamber, so low he actually didn't notice before. So he couldn't really see Arthur very well but he could distinguish the outline of his face and the pale blue of his beautiful eyes.

Arthur's hand then touched his face and Merlin's thoughts came back to present. "You're not hot. You don't have a fever."

"I'm just on my way to a bad hangover, am I...?"  
"Yes," Arthur laughed. "A very nasty one. Go back to sleep, alright?"

Merlin felt too weak to argue. He laid down and closed his eyes. He had blurry memories of what happened just before he fell asleep and he was happy that Arthur was still there. That he was still in Arthur's bedroom. But then again, it wouldn't have been very appropriate for the people and the guards to see a manservant being taken out of the king's room unconscious. And hell, he was still _naked_...

No, in fact — and Merlin realized just now —, he was wearing Arthur's shirt. But that didn't make things any better. Why in the name of God would a servant wear the king's shirt in bed? And wear nothing else with that...

A smile tugged at his lips. He felt dizzy and he closed his eyes, hoping to make the buzzing and the spinning stop.

***

When he woke up again, it was dark but not too dark. He opened his eyes to the big windows to which he pulled the curtains every morning saying 'Rise and shine!' to his king and master.  
He felt like he had slept for eternity. His head was hurting, _aching_ , but he didn't feel nauseous anymore and thank God. Throwing up was the most horrible thing in the whole world.

Merlin looked at the light trying to find its way into the room behind the heavy curtains, through the thin cracks, above and under, shining on the floor. By the looks of it, it looked like a sunny day...

He was in the king's bed. Half naked, wearing only the _king's_ shirt. Could he believe it? He remembered bits of last night, from the evening in the tavern with the knights. Gwaine taking him back to Arthur's room. He _had_ tried to take Merlin to Gaius's chambers, but Merlin could clearly remember himself begging to go to Arthur's. Gwaine had not asked why. And things had started to run out of hands. He remembered throwing himself into the king's arms. Then... _it_ happened.

Merlin closed his eyes with a sigh. After what felt like endless minutes, he sat up and, opening his eyes, he noticed a figure sitting on the desk. His body was in the shadow but Merlin could recognized the man about everywhere. It was Arthur. He had his head tucked in his hands.

"Arthur?" Merlin called, uncertain.

The king looked up, barely startled. Merlin caught a glimpse of his eyes before Arthur stood up and walked to him slowly. Merlin felt embarrassed now, all the images of the night before coming back to his mind with full force. He was grateful that Arthur had put a shirt on him. He didn't know if, sober, he would be comfortable being naked in front of Arthur. Why the hell did he make such a show of himself? He felt like a fool now... Under the king's dead serious gaze, he was sure he was going to get fired or... He didn't know. But this could not be good. Arthur was the king. He was a man. A man who had just lost the woman he loved. And he was a servant. A servant who had played a dangerous game...

"Merlin," Arthur started. He took a seat on the bed, but didn't look at Merlin.

The servant could feel his blood pulse hard and fast inside his chest and throughout his entire body.

"I'm..." the blond man continued. Merlin bit his lip, preparing for the worst. _I'm gonna have to fire you. You see, your behaviour is not suitable. I'm the King, Merlin, this will not happen again. This_ cannot _happen again. Never._

"Merlin, I don't know how to say this. I..."

Merlin swallowed hard. His throat hurt from the vomiting of earlier in the night. He needed water. The taste was horrible in the back of his mouth... But the tears rising up in his eyes had nothing to do with it.

"I feel ashamed of myself, Merlin. And I am very sorry."  
"U-uh... What?" he stuttered, stupidly.  
"You were in a vulnerable state, last night. You were barely standing on your own. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. I shouldn't have surrender to your demands."  
"If you regret, that's fine, Arthur..." Merlin spoke so fast he almost stumble on his own words.  
"I didn't think it would be possible but, actually, Merlin... the thing is, you see, _I don't_ regret. What we did was... it felt... amazing. _You_ were amazing. But still... it was wrong. You weren't thinking straight. I... I'm sorry."  
"Arthur, don't... don't feel bad. Please. I was drunk, but not drunk enough. I knew what I was doing. I knew exactly, believe me."

Arthur's eyes widened a little.

"With the way you looked yesterday, as if you would faint in my arms, I thought you... you wouldn't even remember."  
"I'd have to be dead to forget, Arthur. And even then..."

This time, the king felt his heart skip a beat. Merlin was even more beautiful in the morning. Alright, he was actually looking very bad right now. His hair a disastrous mess, his skin a greenish pale tone, his blue eyes still glassy and teary as if he had yawned. And he looked lost, here, on his bed, between the Pendragon red sheets. And small in his shirt. Arthur smiled. Yes. Merlin looked beautiful in his own confused way. He was Merlin after all. Always strange and different, but beautiful.

And he was _his_ Merlin.

"What happened to you, Merlin?"  
"I'm sorry?" he gabbled.  
"It's been a couple of months that you've been like this. You've been... distant. And sad. Upset. Is everything alright? You can tell me, Merlin. I know I'm the king but... I think it's obvious after last night that we're more than... master and servant. Maybe even more than friends now..." Arthur whispered the last sentence.

When Merlin didn't seem to understand, or show any will to answer, Arthur swallowed and asked again.

"It's not like you to drink yourself into oblivion. It's not like you," he repeated.

And again, Arthur felt guilty, as he remembered the way Merlin fell into his arms last night. He was vulnerable. In every possible way. And yet, Arthur couldn't, for the love of God, hold himself.

It took a moment for Merlin to answer. Seated on the bed, under the sheets of Arthur's bed, he was staring at the king with one of those looks in his eyes, one that Arthur could never fathom. And finally, the cleared his throat before he spoke.

"Nothing, I just... I guess I... I was missing Lancelot," he blurted out quickly, with hesitation, lowering his eyes as he said the name."It was hard losing him again... and saying goodbye to Gwen, too, at the same time. But I'm fine now Arthur. Don't worry."

He was aware that Arthur was still upset about what had happened with Lancelot and Guinevere, but he also knew Arthur respected the knight, that he was his friend too. What he also knew was that it was still a painful episode to remember for the king, especially when the name of Guinevere was spoken out loud.

"I'm sorry, Merlin," Arthur said after a moment. "I've been moping alone for the past few months without considering that you suffered too from this..."  
"It's alright, Arthur. I didn't and don't except you to worry about me. You already have enough on your shoulders to worry about."

Arthur looked at him and then, he smiled. A soft smile. A sweet, innocent, spontaneous and child-like smile that Merlin didn't see enough on the blond's face. It was a smile that melted his heart instantly. A smile he couldn't help but imitate.

"You're too good to me, Merlin."

Arthur approached him on the bed, reached up and took his hand. It was white, making an astounding contrast to the red of the sheets. Arthur looked up and locked their gazes together.

"What would I do without you?"  
"Die, probably."  
"Think you're being funny don't you? How about I choke you with a pillow?"

Merlin laughed as Arthur jumped on the bed beside him, grabbed a pillow and threw it right at his head. He dodged it easily and the pillow landed further in the room on the floor. Merlin looked at it before turning to Arthur, ready for a snide comment, but he was stopped and silenced with the king's warm and demanding lips. He didn't have time to move or even realize what was going on, Arthur's fingers were already on the side of his face, making their way down his neck, stroking thin hair, making him shiver with pleasure. His breath was hot and comforting. For both of them, it felt like they were healing from every wound they had. Buried ones, fresh ones. The pain of losing a friend, a lover, someone dear to them... Everything that made them hurt. It was like kissing each other was mending their hearts.

And it felt good.

"Arthur, what..." Merlin whispered, breathless, when the king pulled away.  
"I'm just happy, Merlin," the king said, shutting him up again. "Happy and lucky to have you. So don't go anywhere, alright? Stay with me. Always."

Where else could he ever go?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing in English! (My first language being French!)  
> I hope it wasn't so bad and I hope you liked it. Please let me know ! :)


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